Last Update: 9/18/2012 THIS SITE HAS MOVED TO:
http://emotionaljourneyttc.blogspot.com
About Me
I am in my early 30s, healthy, and in great shape. I have been with my partner for 10 years. We were both busy with earning advanced degrees and solidifying our careers for most of our 20s, which is why we are just now getting started with starting a family. We wanted to be secure financially and be settled in our careers before bringing a child into our lives.
Getting Started on the Path...
One of the things that frustrates me the most about this journey is the lack of information that is specific to lesbians who wish to start a family. Many months ago, I spent many hours sifting through all of the websites, looking for information about the journey we were about to embark upon. What I found was that there was alot of information about infertility. As far as I know, I am not infertile, but I will be doing many of the things infertile couples do. While I did find much of this information very helpful, as I continue to trudge through the process, I realize that much of the information does not include the use of frozen donor sperm or IUIs with donor sperm. Blogs and informational sites discuss IUIs, but not always with donor sperm. Additionally, most information does not include details about the emotional struggles specific to lesbians, knowing that each month we basically have a 12 hour window to get pregnant each month and when your period arrives, realizing you wasted another $400-$600 on a tiny drop of sperm.
I wanted desperately to learn from those who have been through the process, which is why I decided to write this blog. I hope that others who are beginning this process can learn from my experiences. On this day, 9/12/12, we have suffered another disappointment as my period arrived this morning. I hope that this blog will eventually end happily, but as of now we continue on our rocky path to becoming parents. I plan to blog about each step from starting out to hopefully eventually discussing how we are handling the legal issues with being two moms.
I wanted desperately to learn from those who have been through the process, which is why I decided to write this blog. I hope that others who are beginning this process can learn from my experiences. On this day, 9/12/12, we have suffered another disappointment as my period arrived this morning. I hope that this blog will eventually end happily, but as of now we continue on our rocky path to becoming parents. I plan to blog about each step from starting out to hopefully eventually discussing how we are handling the legal issues with being two moms.
Early Attempts
We began by speaking with my regular OBGYN. They asked us to set up a consultation with the doctor, which is a necessary step. It was around $200 to speak with her for about 10 minutes about how we will get started. I wasn't happy about it, but like I said, it is required in order to get things started.
We bought the digital Clearblue Fertility Monitor ($200) and test sticks ($40). If you go this route, the sticks are cheapest on Amazon.com. The monitor comes with instructions on how to test and how to identify your fertile days. The monitor gives you two "high fertility" days, which is great if you are using your husband's fresh sperm, but this is nowhere near precise enough for those of us using one tiny vial of frozen donor sperm. I did not know how important the timing really was at the time. The monitor will not usually give you any high fertility days during the first month you are using it. This is so the monitor can learn your body. I chose to monitor my cycle 3 months before even starting inseminating, just so I could be familiar with my cycles to hopefully make sure the timing was best.
On my first high fertility day, I would call my doctor and they would inseminate me the day after my second high fertility day. The idea is that the monitor tells you that you will ovulate, on average, in the next 12-36 hours. If you are interested in the numbers/timing, an egg lives about 24 hours after it is released. Frozen sperm lives 12-36 hours after it is inserted into you. Sperm and egg must be present, together, at some point during those 12-36 hours. You can see how the timing must be exact!
I went through this process for five months at my regular OBGYN. My nurse practitioner assured me that it takes time and she wanted me to continue trying for a year before seeking help from a specialist. This was a HUGE mistake. After the 5th try, we decided to see a specialist.
My advice is to try to skip this step altogether. I would recommend speaking to a fertility clinic and explaining that you are a lesbian, using frozen sperm, and wish to go through them to conceive. It would have saved us $2500 and 5 months of an emotional rollercoaster. I understand why they make straight couples try for a year before seeking out a specialist, but we are paying $500ish for frozen sperm each month without having any idea if we are able to conceive. If sperm were free for us, I would have no problem with it. My fertility doctor would have accepted us right away, but I assume some specialists are not as open about lesbians trying to conceive. We are lucky we live in a rather liberal city (although in a not so liberal state). Additionally, I really believe the trigger shot is the only way to help make the timing right. Without the trigger, there is too much room for error and frozen sperm just do not live very long. I don't believe an OBGYN would ever do the trigger. Again, when you are ready to start trying, just give your local fertility specialist a call and see if they would be willing to see you without a referral.
We bought the digital Clearblue Fertility Monitor ($200) and test sticks ($40). If you go this route, the sticks are cheapest on Amazon.com. The monitor comes with instructions on how to test and how to identify your fertile days. The monitor gives you two "high fertility" days, which is great if you are using your husband's fresh sperm, but this is nowhere near precise enough for those of us using one tiny vial of frozen donor sperm. I did not know how important the timing really was at the time. The monitor will not usually give you any high fertility days during the first month you are using it. This is so the monitor can learn your body. I chose to monitor my cycle 3 months before even starting inseminating, just so I could be familiar with my cycles to hopefully make sure the timing was best.
On my first high fertility day, I would call my doctor and they would inseminate me the day after my second high fertility day. The idea is that the monitor tells you that you will ovulate, on average, in the next 12-36 hours. If you are interested in the numbers/timing, an egg lives about 24 hours after it is released. Frozen sperm lives 12-36 hours after it is inserted into you. Sperm and egg must be present, together, at some point during those 12-36 hours. You can see how the timing must be exact!
I went through this process for five months at my regular OBGYN. My nurse practitioner assured me that it takes time and she wanted me to continue trying for a year before seeking help from a specialist. This was a HUGE mistake. After the 5th try, we decided to see a specialist.
My advice is to try to skip this step altogether. I would recommend speaking to a fertility clinic and explaining that you are a lesbian, using frozen sperm, and wish to go through them to conceive. It would have saved us $2500 and 5 months of an emotional rollercoaster. I understand why they make straight couples try for a year before seeking out a specialist, but we are paying $500ish for frozen sperm each month without having any idea if we are able to conceive. If sperm were free for us, I would have no problem with it. My fertility doctor would have accepted us right away, but I assume some specialists are not as open about lesbians trying to conceive. We are lucky we live in a rather liberal city (although in a not so liberal state). Additionally, I really believe the trigger shot is the only way to help make the timing right. Without the trigger, there is too much room for error and frozen sperm just do not live very long. I don't believe an OBGYN would ever do the trigger. Again, when you are ready to start trying, just give your local fertility specialist a call and see if they would be willing to see you without a referral.
Moving on to a Reproductive Specialist
We had to set up an initial consultation with him to discuss what we have been doing so far. He was extremely disappointed that we were told to continue to try, spending all of that money on donor sperm, without knowing if I was even able to conceive. He was also upset that we had already become so frustrated and emotionally drained from the process. We got started right away with our new specialist. As soon as I started my period, he prescribed *Femara, a fertility drug that was to help my follicles grow. On day 12 I went in for an ultrasound to see what was going on inside my ovaries. We found that I had lots of follicles, but all were measuring around 10mm. The follicles only release an egg when they are closer to 18-24mm. He asked me to return in a few days to see whether the follicles have grown. We then returned a few days later to see that they had not grown. While this was disappointing, it was great to know that the problem is that I have actually NOT been ovulating, even though I have always had a regular period. No one ever told me this! I was also surprised that my nurse practitioner and OBGYN repeatedly told me I was ovulating because I had a regular period. So, please learn from my mistakes: A period does not mean you are ovulating. This was especially frustrating because I realized I had tried FIVE times with no hope of getting pregnant because there was never an egg present. I could have taken $2500 and lit it on fire and had the same chance of getting pregnant the first five tries. It was scary to think that my OBGYN wanted me to continue trying, I could have thrown away so much money! From this step, we learned two important things about my ability to conceive: 1. I was not ovulating on my own 2. Femara was not going to work for me. On to the next step.
*Most infertile folks use the drug Clomid. Femara is a newer option. Femara is supposed to have fewer side effects, including a smaller chance of multiples than those who use Clomid. I have multiples on both my father and mother's sides, therefore my doctor recommended Femara. From what I have read, most doctors start with Clomid and move to Femara if Clomid does not work. My doctor did the opposite, which is understandable.
*Most infertile folks use the drug Clomid. Femara is a newer option. Femara is supposed to have fewer side effects, including a smaller chance of multiples than those who use Clomid. I have multiples on both my father and mother's sides, therefore my doctor recommended Femara. From what I have read, most doctors start with Clomid and move to Femara if Clomid does not work. My doctor did the opposite, which is understandable.
First Medicated Try (100mg Clomid days 3-7, Trigger shot, and IUI)
I took Clomid on cycle days 3-7. Pills only come in 50mg form, so I took two pills per day to get the necessary 100mg. Apparently the options for those taking Clomid are 50mg/day, 100mg/day, or 150mg per day. I don't know why he started me on 100mg, but it seems to have been a good choice. I do not seem to have any side effects from Clomid. I got my first ultrasound on day 12. It showed that I had one big follicle (24mm). He was very pleased with this and I was told to "trigger" that evening. The trigger shot is something that I both love and hate. I love that it makes the process more exact, but I hate the way it makes me feel. The trigger shot is an actual shot, with a needle, of a hormone that tells your ovary to release an egg (from the follicle). The idea is that from the time your ovary gets that message, on average, it will be 36 hours later when the egg arrives to meet the sperm. The IUI should take place about 36 hours after you have the trigger shot. I had my partner give me the shot in my "muffin top" area. It is not painful at all as long as you aren't a total wimp. Some doctors give you a longer needle to inject the hormone into your muscle, but some give a shorter needle and just ask that you inject it into your skin. I do the latter.
I was inseminated 36 hours after my trigger shot. My doctor has me have blood drawn 7 days after my insemination to test my progesterone levels. Apparently if I am to get pregnant, my progesterone levels need to be at a certain number in order to help avoid a miscarriage. If the levels are low then progesterone supplements are given. Mine was 14, which is sufficient. I was told than anything below 12 would signal a problem. I was told to take a pregnancy test 14 days later. I did not make it to day 14 as I started my period on day 12. First medicated try=Fail
I also have to add that my experience with the trigger shot was not pleasant. It wasn't painful, it was just uncomfortable. I gained 8 pounds, felt continually bloated and crampy from the time I had the shot through my entire period. Another thing that is tough is reading all of the signs of pregnancy. The signs of pregnancy are the same as the side effects of the trigger shot. Therefore, there is no point in trying to read your body's signs. The good news is that I had this extra weight for about 2.5 weeks (from the time I took my trigger shot until the day my period ended) and then it magically disappeared after that.
I was inseminated 36 hours after my trigger shot. My doctor has me have blood drawn 7 days after my insemination to test my progesterone levels. Apparently if I am to get pregnant, my progesterone levels need to be at a certain number in order to help avoid a miscarriage. If the levels are low then progesterone supplements are given. Mine was 14, which is sufficient. I was told than anything below 12 would signal a problem. I was told to take a pregnancy test 14 days later. I did not make it to day 14 as I started my period on day 12. First medicated try=Fail
I also have to add that my experience with the trigger shot was not pleasant. It wasn't painful, it was just uncomfortable. I gained 8 pounds, felt continually bloated and crampy from the time I had the shot through my entire period. Another thing that is tough is reading all of the signs of pregnancy. The signs of pregnancy are the same as the side effects of the trigger shot. Therefore, there is no point in trying to read your body's signs. The good news is that I had this extra weight for about 2.5 weeks (from the time I took my trigger shot until the day my period ended) and then it magically disappeared after that.
Second Medicated Try
Because everything seemed to go perfectly with my last cycle, other than not getting pregnant, we continued on the same path with 100mg of Clomid days 3-7. I had my ultrasound on day 10. That ultrasound revealed 4 nice follicles (18mm & 14mm on one side, and two 14mm follices on the other side). The doctor prefers the follicles be around 18-22 before triggering, so he had me trigger on cycle day 12, two days later. I then was inseminated 36 hours after my trigger shot. My blood test 7 days later was good (14 again). I felt the same unpleasant side effects from the Trigger shot. Today, as I began this blog, I am on day 14. This is the day I take the pregnancy test, which came up negative this morning. I am also spotting, which means my period is starting. Medicated try #2=Fail
Tip: After spending so much money on pregnancy tests, I looked into cheaper options. I found many cheaper options on Amazon. I was able to get 20 tests (off-brand) for $5. They seem to work just fine. When you do the trigger shot, that hormone is in your body for 5-10 days. That happens to be the same hormone that pregnancy tests detect. Therefore, for 5-10 days after your trigger shot, a pregnancy test will show up positive because it detects the trigger. I tried this 3 days after the trigger, just to see what the hell a positive pregnancy test even looked like, and it came up positive. So, even though the pregnancy tests were super cheap, they did work at detecting the hormone.
Tip: After spending so much money on pregnancy tests, I looked into cheaper options. I found many cheaper options on Amazon. I was able to get 20 tests (off-brand) for $5. They seem to work just fine. When you do the trigger shot, that hormone is in your body for 5-10 days. That happens to be the same hormone that pregnancy tests detect. Therefore, for 5-10 days after your trigger shot, a pregnancy test will show up positive because it detects the trigger. I tried this 3 days after the trigger, just to see what the hell a positive pregnancy test even looked like, and it came up positive. So, even though the pregnancy tests were super cheap, they did work at detecting the hormone.
2 Failed Medicated Tries: What now?
In our original consultation with the fertility specialist, he recommended trying 3-6 medicated cycles, then discuss moving onto IVF. Because this will be our 3rd try, we are now going to do an HSG test. I am still researching this test but have some basic information. Apparently the goal of the test is to see if your tubes are blocked or open. This is important because at this point we know the trigger tells the follicles to release the eggs, we know the sperm is healthy and is where it needs to be, but we dont know for sure the egg ever makes it through the tubes to meet the sperm. My doctor had not recommended this test yet, as he said there is no reason to suspect any damage to my fallopian tubes. Most often, there are issues with endometriosis or infection that can clog the fallopian tubes. Neither were suspected in my case. So, I am going to call to schedule my HSG exam soon. It is supposed to be done almost immediately following your period, on cycle day 4-6. The process is out-patient and involves injecting radioactive dye into my uterus. We then will watch the dye move through my body. The hope is that the dye will make its way all the way through my fallopian tubes, showing that they are open and that my eggs can travel through there well. But it is possible that the dye won't move, which signals a blockage. I will also have my blood drawn tomorrow or Friday to test other levels related to fertility. Even with these tests, we will still be able to try again this cycle with Clomid, trigger, and IUI.
My doctor continuously reassures me that we have only tried twice and that even perfectly healthy straight couples can take up to a year to get pregnant. It has been difficult to not get frustrated and/or upset with the arrival of my period. Also, for those of you who may be interested in the data, some websites I have seen say healthy straight couples have 25% chance of getting pregnant each month and lesbians using frozen donor sperm who are healthy (no known fertility issues, or using fertility drugs to even the playing field) have a 4-6% chance of getting pregnant each month. The odds are certainly against us, but you can't help but feel like something is wrong with you when you see others managing to get pregnant. Anyway, I am now focusing on scheduling this HSG test and starting Clomid on cycle day 3. On the road to medicated try #3...
I will update with HSG information once the test is done.
My doctor continuously reassures me that we have only tried twice and that even perfectly healthy straight couples can take up to a year to get pregnant. It has been difficult to not get frustrated and/or upset with the arrival of my period. Also, for those of you who may be interested in the data, some websites I have seen say healthy straight couples have 25% chance of getting pregnant each month and lesbians using frozen donor sperm who are healthy (no known fertility issues, or using fertility drugs to even the playing field) have a 4-6% chance of getting pregnant each month. The odds are certainly against us, but you can't help but feel like something is wrong with you when you see others managing to get pregnant. Anyway, I am now focusing on scheduling this HSG test and starting Clomid on cycle day 3. On the road to medicated try #3...
I will update with HSG information once the test is done.
Cost
I wanted to address this, even though we all know before we start that its a costly process. For my first 5 unmedicated cycles, I paid about $150 for the insemination and $500 for the sperm ($650/month). Also, the initial consultation was around $200. My first consult with the specialist was $200-250 ( I forget exactly). What I have found is that we are now spending about $1200/month with the sperm, drugs, ultrasound and office fees. Clomid is around $6 per month (with insurance), and the trigger shot is around $45/month. Sperm is now up to $600 and the ultrasound/office fees make up the rest of the cost. Even though we have not been successful, paying a little more to see the specialist is well worth the peace of mind knowing that our timing is more exact. Also, I really love our doctor and know that he has helped 2 other lesbian couples conceive (friends of ours).
Insurance can help alleviate some costs. I don't think that is worth discussing here because some people have insurance, some don't, and some insurance companies cover fertility costs and some do not. Therefore, my experiences with insurance probably won't apply to most of you. Medical Mutual is pretty decent and has helped us so far.
Insurance can help alleviate some costs. I don't think that is worth discussing here because some people have insurance, some don't, and some insurance companies cover fertility costs and some do not. Therefore, my experiences with insurance probably won't apply to most of you. Medical Mutual is pretty decent and has helped us so far.
Tests Before Medicated Try #3
First, I want to say "aloud" how amazing my specialist's clinical staff is! They are genuinely disappointed right along with me when I call to report the arrival of my period. I have been so down this time, moreso than any time before, and they cheered me up and were so sweet and encouraging. It is always so refreshing to work with people who truly love what they do. With the clinical staff I scheduled the following: Blood work tomorrow (Cycle Day 2) to assess my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and Estradial (not even sure what that is). I didn't ask what this blood work was for. Normally I am inquisitive about every step, but I am growing a bit tired of it all. Maybe it is the fact that this is my bad period day and I have cramps, but maybe this journey is finally getting to me, whether I want to admit it or not. I scheduled my HSG (Hysterosalpinogogram), which is the test to see if my tubes are open enough for the egg to get through. This test will be done 9/18 on Cycle Day 6. She assured me it is only uncomfortable for about 3 minutes. Sometimes doing research on the internet is a bad thing. I have heard/read about more bad experiences with this test than I can count. But, I figure it can't be any worse than child birth, which is my ultimate goal. So, I can suck it up and think of it as a necessary step to making our dream come true. Anyway, this video was informative for me if you are interested in learning more about the HSG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szcw7zzd9_s
I recommend resisting the urge to watch the youtube video about the HSG with the attractive young girl with brown hair and blonde highlights. Her story is not so great about the HSG, but apparently she got pregnant soon after so maybe its not an entirely useless video. Plus, she isn't too bad to look at. That reminds me, one positive aspect of the HSG is that some (not alot) of the data suggest that women are more likely to conceive for the 3 months after the HSG (if the HSG test shows the tubes are clear) due to the dye having a "cleaning" effect on the tubes as it moves through. I am hoping my tubes are clear and that this "cleaning" will be just what I need.
I also scheduled my ultrasound, to determine the size of my follicles and when to trigger on CD 12. It is kind of nice that when you get the bad news when your period arrives, you can't spend too much time sulking because the next try is just beginning. I get to start on my Clomid in two days and that always makes me feel hopeful. I guess when people warn you that this journey is a rollercoaster, that is pretty accurate. I pride myself on being able to control my emotions and always staying calm/cool/collected, but for the first time in my life I am finding this difficult.
I will update next week after my HSG with those results and the results of my bloodwork and what it means.
I recommend resisting the urge to watch the youtube video about the HSG with the attractive young girl with brown hair and blonde highlights. Her story is not so great about the HSG, but apparently she got pregnant soon after so maybe its not an entirely useless video. Plus, she isn't too bad to look at. That reminds me, one positive aspect of the HSG is that some (not alot) of the data suggest that women are more likely to conceive for the 3 months after the HSG (if the HSG test shows the tubes are clear) due to the dye having a "cleaning" effect on the tubes as it moves through. I am hoping my tubes are clear and that this "cleaning" will be just what I need.
I also scheduled my ultrasound, to determine the size of my follicles and when to trigger on CD 12. It is kind of nice that when you get the bad news when your period arrives, you can't spend too much time sulking because the next try is just beginning. I get to start on my Clomid in two days and that always makes me feel hopeful. I guess when people warn you that this journey is a rollercoaster, that is pretty accurate. I pride myself on being able to control my emotions and always staying calm/cool/collected, but for the first time in my life I am finding this difficult.
I will update next week after my HSG with those results and the results of my bloodwork and what it means.
Congrats to my "conception partner"
A college friend of mine was having difficulty getting pregnant also. We have confided in each other and supported each other over the past few months. She texted me yesterday with the news that she took a pregnancy test and it was positive! This is amazing news for her and her husband and I could not be happier for them. It is especially wonderful knowing that she has really struggled with all of this in the same way that I am and has her happy ending now. I love knowing that a good friend won't have to ride this roller coaster anymore. I am just a little sad that I no longer have a "conception partner" and will have to continue on the roller coaster without her support. Here's to hoping we get lucky in a couple weeks and can follow right behind her through pregnancy.
HSG Test Experience and Results
Today was my HSG test. The test involves having radioactive dye injected into your uterus and watching how it disperses on a tv screen. It allows the doctor to take a look at your uterus, where the baby would hang out, and the fallopian tubes to be sure they are not clogged. Everything looked good on mine as the dye quickly moved through all of the nooks and crannies of my "plumbing" (my doctor's technical term). While I read many horror stories about this test, I must say the test itself was completely pain free. My only issue, as with anything I have done "down there" was with the damn speculum. So, don't believe any of the horror stories you may read about online. If you can handle the speculum then it's smooth sailing. I would bet that most of the women who complain on the websites about how painful it is are women who don't have IUIs. I think IUIs are more painful than this HSG test, and again it's only because of my hate for the speculum. So, now begins the wait as my follicles mature. If all stays the same this cycle, I will be triggering in a week and inseminating a couple days after. My doctor told me today that there is nothing wrong with me physically at this point. He said it appears that the reason we have not been successful yet is just about the numbers game and to stay hopeful because it can happen any time...